3 Best Conservative Dating Sites

Winner: Best Site to Meet Hawt Old Ladies - RepublicanPeopleMeet.com is a free-to-join place where you can meet the GMILF of your dreams for some steamy carnal Norman Rockwell action.

Suggested usernames: RandyPaul69; UmakeMeHarding

Winner: Best Site to Get Hooked by a GOP Phishing Scam - RepublicanPassions.com is the place for you if you want a free dating site that looks like a sketchier version of 4chan with seemingly no actual users aside from creepy Eisenhower-era dudes.

Suggested usernames: DO NOT PUT YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY # IN YOUR USERNAME

Winner: Best Site to Explore Vaginal Alternatives - we have all seen the commercials for ChristianMingle.com and it is a legit hotbed for Bush-lovin bombshells.  Look, we all know that the virginity requirement only applies to ladies, and there are PLENTY of ways around a technical V-card swipe, know what I'm sayin? (buttstuff lol)

Suggested usernames:  BmyRevelation; EphAsians; LetsMakeLuviticus